Case Closed
by TripWire- dono
Summary: This is a recording of the anecdotes by Kyouraku Shunsui on the story of the notorious Seireitei Court House. This audio is property of the 8th division company library and must be returned on the due date accordingly . shhhhhhhhh Click.


**I haven't been writing anything substantial for my own enjoyment recently, you know why? I HAVE NOTHING TO ENJOY IN THIS PERIOD OF TIME. My exams are over but new exams are coming especially when the HSC is knocking on my door.**

**I tried something a little different for this story because I want to experiment with different styles. The little anecdotes I believe to be excerpts from a book called **_**Disorder in the American Courts**_**, but not so sure since my friend told me so. I have appropriated them with suitable Bleach characters for the reader to be more engaged and familiarised with it.**

**I don't think Australia has any funny court stories, if we had, I would've known them. So it had been a real treat for me to listen to them. It can only happen in America as they say.  
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**Hope you like it!**

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**Case Closed**

The air was filled with murmurs as people shuffled into the rows of polished brown seats. The Seireitei court house as belittling and shoddy as it looked was rarely used for menial matters. Crime was at its height during its prime years, during the days before one Kuchiki Byakuya was conceived. And so cases were brought by the cases of murder, manslaughter, infanticide, homicide, rape and the Justice of the Courthouse unleashed his unbridled fury, charring the prosecuted. Such glory and commanded respect left criminals, past, present and future quaking in their sandals and the flow of crime snarled and ebbed away.

It was the recent mark on history that bent and twisted Soul Society to its knees, its uses were no longer needed and so its doors and stature was left accumulating dust as the Captain Commander, _Soutaichou_, decided to carry out is judgment and his own fair trial for the ones that committed the crime:

_Treason._

Central 46 could have easily handled the matter concerning law, justice and coroner duties. But their interests lay in others. One would hardly have a vague interest in the court case that is opened in the newly revived Seireitei court house. But those who knew _exactly_ whom is concerned would gather in a heart-beat.

This is a collection if small anecdotes that have made the Seireitei Courthouse notorious to the point where the thirteen divisions decided to shut it down, let it rot and fester and never to open it again.

By the way, this is a recording by the I, the lovely and sexy Kyouraku Shunsui taichou, the sexiest captain in the local area. This tape no doubt was found by you lovely listeners, who are obviously interested in the courthouse stories, in the audio section of the company library. Please enjoy the tap-

_Hack, hack! Cough!_

I think I caught what Juushirou got... Need more sake... Hmmm, what was that Nanao-chan? I'll do that later, I'm in a... important conference! _Glug-glug-glug._

Now on with the recording.

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**Court Case #1**

Unohana taichou sat calmly and collected on the zabuton opposite the justice. What the case was about, one does not need to know. Why Unohana taichou was involved in the case is is also irrelevant. All that was needed to know was the question asked.

"Now taichou" the prosecutor paced to a fro from one end of the other trying to look as intelligent as possible. "Isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep. He doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

Unohana smiled none the less "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"

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**Court Case #2**

Ichigo shifted and fidgeted nervously in his seat. This was the first time he had seen the building since his raid into Seireitei much less set one foot in the building. He didn't have a clue why is involved either. Rukia just told him he was need as a witness.

He watched as his attorney suck is index finger in thought.

"Kurosaki Ichigo"

"Uh...y-yes"

"She had three children, correct?" the attorney asked. It was Murakami Ayako he was referring to, a sixth division member Ichigo was acquainted with through Renji who was in question.

"Yes" said Ichigo.

"How many were boys?"

"None"

In a louder voice, a voice that implied he had gone through tertiary education and passed, he asked another question that betrayed all sense of his intelligence.

"Were there any girls?"

"Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?"

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**Court Case #3**

The attorney was unaffected by the aura of the head of the Kuchiki house and the captain of the sixth division. Byakuya sat rigidly in his seat with eyes closed as he thought of how he was involved with the court case.

"How was your first marriage terminated?" the young attorney asked.

"By death" said Byakuya.

"And whose death was it terminated?"

Byakuya opened his eyes and glared, no, pierced his line of sight into the attorney's eyes. "Take a guess"

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**Court Case #4**

Kurotsuchi impatiently rapped his nailed against the table. He was very annoyed and irritated that his invaluable research and experimenting time was wasted upon the court case which he was subpoenaed. He yawned and glared and stared.

The young attorney was unaffected by the presence of the menacing and weird captain, who was famous for dissecting people for his own entertainment.

"Captain, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?" he asked.

"All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight"

Ignoring the sarcastic answer, the attorney scooted to the _next_ question which poses _the_ question on whether _the previous _question was even necessary.

"Captain, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

"No"

"Did you check for breathing?"

"No"

"So, then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

"No"

"How can you be sure?" The young attorney leaned back in such a smug manner.

"Because the brain was sitting on my desk in a jar" Kurotsuchi wanted to hit the palm of his hand onto his forehead, better yet across the attorneys face which a scalpel in his hand.

"I see" The attorney walked around once more, appearing he hadn't realised his own ignorance, no, _absolute and unquestionable stupidity._ "but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

"Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law"

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This concludes the story of the notorious Seireitei Court house case. I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did, as I was one of the jury on all four occasions.

Good bye and buy bonds!

_Click._

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**This little one shot is quite a breather and stress reliever for me from my exams. I'm so sick and tired of studying I want to be a corpse since they have nothing better to do than sleep for all eternity. That's the life (snort with laughter)**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the story, I wanted to be a little different and make is like a transcript of a recording, no doubt you know is Shunsui of the 8****th**** division speaking, only with till the form a structure of a narrative.**

**I have finished my course work of extension English in the Gothic Literary Tradition and moving m but along for the next course work in Crime-Writing.**

**If anyone has any recommendations on classic or modern crime fiction like ones by P.D James **_**'Skull Beneath the Skin'**_** please let me know. I already have Agatha Christie and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle works already. I need to do some wide reading for this...**

**Have a lovely holiday!**

**TripWire- dono**


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